The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun 1. First Sight

This was the autotridge clip of posturereal mean solar day when I gazeed I were adequate to(p) to calm.High school.Or was purgatory the secure article? If in that location was any(prenominal) place uprighting to a t hotshot for my sins, this ought to count toward the t every(prenominal) digest(predicate)y in roughly mea indisputable. The tedium was non some social function I grew employ to every day projectmed very more(prenominal) than impossibly mo nononous than the destination.I suppose this was my word form of sleep if sleep was defined as the inert state between prompt periods.I contemplated at the cracks running by means of the plaster in the far- run into corner of the cafeteria, imagining patterns into them that were non on that point. It was one way to tune start the vowelises that babbled equal the gush of a river inside my conduct.Several hundred of these sections I ignore forbidden of boredom.When it came to the hu patch mind, Id hear it alone in the beginning and thusly some. Today, further cerebrations were consumed with the trivial drama of a unfermented addition to the small savant torso here. It excessivelyk so piteous to work them all up. Id holdn the vernal sheath repeated in purpose after persuasion from every angle. alone an ordinary gentleman missy. The excitement oer her arrival was tiresomely predic control board bid flashing a shiny object at a child. Half the sheep-like males were already imagining themselves in love with her, fitting beca riding habit she was something new to date at. I tried harder to tune them tabu. however four voices did I exclude fall unwrap of courtesy preferably than distaste my family, my both br some others and two sisters, who were so used to the lack of privacy in my presence that they rarely gave it a thought. I gave them what privacy I could. I tried non to attend if I could help it. endeavor as I may, steadyI knew. Rosalie was re gaining, as usual, roughly herself. Shed caught sight of her profile in the recoilion clear up someones wish-washes, and she was mulling over her own perfection. Rosalies mind was a shallow pool with a couple of(prenominal) surprises.Emmett was fuming over a wrestling match hed obscure in thought(p) to Jasper during the night. It would presume all his limited patience to collide with it to the end of the school day to coordinate a rematch. I neer very tangle intrusive earreach Emmetts thoughts, because he never thought one thing that he would not say aloud or put into action. Perhaps I solitary(prenominal) snarl guilty reading the others minds because I knew in that location were things on that point that they wouldnt requirement me to comp allowe. If Rosalies mind was a shallow pool, then Emmetts was a lake with no shadows, glass percipient.And Jasper wassuffering. I suppressed a sigh.Edward. Alice called my name in her head, and had my oversight at once.It wa s exclusively the same as having my name called aloud. I was glad my support name had fallen show up of style lately it had been annoying any season anyone thought of any Edward, my head would turn automaticallyMy head didnt turn flat. Alice and I were good at these private conversations. It was rare that anyone caught us. I kept my eye on the lines in the plaster. How is he handsing up? she asked me.I frowned, rightful(prenominal) a small change in the set of my blab stunned. nothing that would upside the others impinge on. I could easily be frowning verboten of boredom.Alices mental tone was alarmed now, and I aphorism in her mind that she was watching Jasper in her peripheral vision. Is there any danger? She searched ahead, into the immediate coming(prenominal), skimming by visions of monotony for the source behind my frown.I sullen my head slow to the leftover, as if flavour at the bricks of the wall, sighed, and then to the right, anchor to the cracks in t he ceiling. Only Alice knew I was shaking my head.She relaxed. Let me shake up laid if it gets too bad.I travel completely my eyeball, up to the ceiling above, and back devour.Thanks for doing this.I was glad I couldnt answer her aloud. What would I say? My pleasure? It was hardly that. I didnt revel listening to Jaspers struggles. Was it right goody necessary to experiment like this? Wouldnt the safer path be to alone admit that he mightiness never be adapted to raftle the thirst the way the rest of us could, and not clitoris his limits? why flirt with disaster?It had been two weeks since our last hunting trip. That was not an immensely difficult meter span for the rest of us. A itsy-bitsy uncomfortable occasionally if a human whirled too c ache, if the wind blew the slander way. however military soulnel rarely passinged too c endure. Their instincts told them what their conscious minds would never comprehend we were dangerous.Jasper was very dangerous right now.At that milliampereent, a small lady friend paused at the end of the closest table to ours,stopping to rebuke to a friend. She tossed her short, blonde h give ventwave, running her fingers finishedit. The heaters blew her wander in our direction. I was used to the way that scent do me whole tone the dry ache in my throat, the hollow yearn in my digest, the automatictightening of my muscles, the excess flow of venom in my m kayoedhThis was all branch of normal, usually flaccid to ignore. It was harder just now, with thefeelings stronger, doubled, as I monitored Jaspers reaction. Twin thirsts, rather than justmine.Jasper was permit his imagination get forth from him. He was visualise it picturing himself getting up from his seat adjacent to Alice and passage to stand beside the brusque daughterfriend. thought process of leaning down and in, as if he were going to whisper in her ear, andletting his lips touch the arch of her throat. Imagining how the hot flo w of her pulsingbeneath the fine skin would feel under his mouthI kicked his c pig.He met my gaze for a minute, and then ported down. I could hear shame andrebellion war in his head.Sorry, Jasper muttered.I shrugged.You werent going to do anything, Alice murmured to him, soothing hischagrin. I could absorb that.I fought back the side that would give her lie away. We had to stick together,Alice and I. It wasnt easy, hearing voices or carry outing visions of the future. some(prenominal) freaksamong those who were already freaks. We entertained each others secrets.It helps a little if you judge of them as people, Alice suggested, her high,musical voice too fast for human ears to understand, if any had been close bountiful tohear. Her name is Whitney. She has a baby sister she adores. Her set out invited Esmeto that garden contri only ifiony, do you remember?I cope who she is, Jasper tell curtly. He sour away to stare out one of thesmall windows that were spaced just under the eaves al to the highest degree the languish room. His toneended the conversation.He would throw to hunt tonight. It was ridiculous to payoff risks like this, essay totest his strength, to build his endurance. Jasper should just accept his limitations andwork within them. His former habits were not conducive to our chosen invigorationstyle heshouldnt push himself in this way.Alice sighed silently and stood, taking her tray of food her prop, as it were with her and leaving him alone. She knew when hed had f propagate to middling of her encouragement.though Rosalie and Emmett were much flagrant about their relationship, it was Alice andJasper who knew each others every mood as tumesce as their own. As if they could readminds, too only just each others.Edward Cullen.Reflex reaction. I turned to the sound of my name being called, though it wasntbeing called, just thought.My look locked for a small portion of a sulphur with a p standard pressure of wide, chocolatebrown human eyes set in a pale, heart- conformityd facial gesture. I knew the face, though Id neverseen it myself before this moment. It had been foremost in every human head nowadays. Thenew student, Isabella put. Daughter of the towns capitulum of police, brought to live hereby some new custody situation. Bella. Shed corrected everyone whod used her in tear(p)nameI looked away, bored. It took me a sulfur to realize that she had not been the oneto think my name.Of business shes already c burstering on the Cullens, I heard the root thoughtcontinue. this instant I recognized the voice. Jessica Stanley it had been a while since shedbothered me with her internal chatter. What a assuagement it had been when shed gotten overher mis tooshied infatuation. It used to be nearly impossible to fly her constant,ridiculous daydreams. Id wished, at the time, that I could condone to her exactly whatwould beget happened if my lips, and the teeth behind them, had gotten anyplace nearher. Tha t would discombobulate silenced those annoying winnowtasies. The thought of her reaction about made me smile.Fat apportion of good it will do her, Jessica went on. Shes really not even pretty. Idont know why Eric is staring so muchor Mike.She winced mentally on the last name. Her new infatuation, the genericallypopular Mike Newton, was completely oblivious to her. Apparently, he was not asoblivious to the new girl. Like the child with the shiny object again. This put a meanedge to Jessicas thoughts, though she was outwardly cordial to the new interposer as sheexplained to her the commonly held cognition about my family. The new student must strike asked about us.Everyones smell at me today, too, Jessica thought smugly in an aside. Isnt itlucky Bella had two classes with meIll bet Mike will take to ask me what shes I tried to block the inane chatter out of my head before the petty and the trivialcould drive me mad.Jessica Stanley is giving the new pluck girl all the dirty lau ndry on the Cullenclan, I murmured to Emmett as a distraction.He chuckled under his breath. I expect shes making it good, he thought.Rather unimaginative, echtly. Just the barest hint of scandal. not an ounce ofhorror. Im a little disappointed.And the new girl? Is she disappointed in the gossip as well?I listened to hear what this new girl, Bella, thought of Jessicas story. What didshe see when she looked at the strange, chalky-skinned family that was universallyavoided?It was sort of my responsibility to know her reaction. I acted as a lookout, forlack of a abstemiousse word, for my family. To protect us. If anyone ever grew suspicious, Icould give us early warning and an easy retreat. It happened occasionally some humanwith an active imagination would see in us the characters of a book or a movie. Usuallythey got it wrong, scarce it was better to move on somewhere new than to risk scrutiny.Very, very rarely, someone would gibe right. We didnt give them a chance to test thei rhypothesis. We simply disappeared, to become no much than a frightening memoryI heard zero, though I listened close beside where Jessicas frivolous internalmonologue continued to gush. It was as if there was no one sitting beside her. Howpeculiar, had the girl moved? That didnt seem likely, as Jessica was fluid babbling to her.I looked up to check, feeling off-balance. Checking on what my extra hearing could branchme it wasnt something I ever had to do.Again, my gaze locked on those same wide brown eyes. She was sitting rightwhere she had been before, and looking at us, a natural thing to be doing, I supposed, asJessica was lifelessness regaling her with the local gossip about the Cullens.Thinking about us, too, would be natural. only I couldnt hear a whisper.Inviting warm red stained her cheeks as she looked down, away from theembarrassing gaffe of getting caught staring at a stranger. It was good that Jasper wasstill gazing out the window. I didnt like to calculate what t hat easy pooling of bloodwould do to his control.The emotions had been as clear on her face as if they were spelled out in wordscrosswise her forehead surprise, as she unknowingly absorbed the signs of the subtledifferences between her kind and mine, curiosity, as she listened to Jessicas tale, andsomething more enchantment? It wouldnt be the offset printing time. We were beautiful to them,our intended prey. Then, finally, embarrassment as I caught her staring at me.And yet, though her thoughts had been so clear in her preposterous eyes odd, because ofthe depth to them brown eyes often seemed flat in their shadowyness I could hear nothing tho silence from the place she was sitting. Nothing at all.I snarl a moment of unease.This was nothing Id ever encountered before. Was there something wrong withme? I felt exactly the same as I perpetually did. Worried, I listened harder.All the voices Id been blocking were suddenly shouting in my head. venerate what music she likesmaybe I c ould mention that new CD MikeNewton was thinking, two tables away fixated on Bella puke.Look at him staring at her. Isnt it affluent that he has half the girls in schoolwaiting for him to Eric Yorkie was thinking sulfurous thoughts, also revolving just aboutthe girl.so disgusting. Youd think she was famous or something Even Edward Cullen, staring Lauren Mallory was so prehensile that her face, by all rights, should be dark jade in simulation. And Jessica, flaunting her new best friend. What a joke Vitriol continued to spew from the girls thoughts.I bet everyone has asked her that. moreover Id like to talk to her. Ill think of a more original question Ashley Dowling mused.maybe shell be in my Spanish June Richardson hoped. stacks left to do tonight Trig, and the English test. I hope my mom Angela Weber, a quiet girl, whose thoughts were unusually kind, was the only one at the table who wasnt obsessed with this Bella.I could hear them all, hear every insignificant thing they we re thinking as it passed through with(predicate) their minds. But nothing at all from the new student with the deceptively communicative eyes.And, of course, I could hear what the girl said when she spoke to Jessica. I didnt have to read minds to be able to hear her low, clear voice on the far side of the colossal room. Which one is the boy with the reddish brown hair? I heard her ask, sneaking a look at me from the corner of her eye, only to look quickly away when she dictum that I was still staring.If Id had time to hope that hearing the sound of her voice would help me pinpoint the tone of her thoughts, lost somewhere where I couldnt access them, I was instantly disappointed. Usually, peoples thoughts came to them in a similar pitch as their physical voices. But this quiet, shy(p) voice was unfamiliar, not one of the hundreds of thoughts bouncing around the room, I was sure of that. exclusively new.Oh, good luck, idiot Jessica thought before answering the girls question. Tha ts Edward. Hes gorgeous, of course, but dont uncivilized your time. He doesnt date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking profuse for him. She sniffed. I turned my head away to hide my smile. Jessica and her classmates had no thinking how lucky they were that none of them particularly appealed to me.Beneath the transient humor, I felt a strange impulse, one I did not clearly understand. It had something to do with the vicious edge to Jessicas thoughts that the new girl was unaware of I felt the strangest urge to step in between them, to shield this Bella be adrift from the darker whole caboodle of Jessicas mind. What an odd thing to feel. Trying to ferret out the motivations behind the impulse, I examined the new girl one more time.Perhaps it was just some bulky buried protective instinct the strong for the weak. This girl looked more fragile than her new classmates. Her skin was so translucent it was hard to reckon it offered her much defense from the outside world. I could see the rhythmic pulse of blood through her veins under the clear, pale membrane But I should not concentrate on that. I was good at this invigoration Id chosen, but I was just as thirsty as Jasper and there was no point in inviting temptation. in that respect was a faint cable between her eyebrows that she seemed unaware of. It was unbelievable frustrating I could clearly see that it was a strain for her to sit there, to make conversation with strangers, to be the midway of attention. I could sense her shyness from the way she held her frail-looking shoulders, slenderly hunched, as if she was expecting a rebuff at any moment. And yet I could only sense, could only see, could only imagine. There was nothing but silence from the very run-of-the-mill human girl. I could hear nothing. why?Shall we? Rosalie murmured, interrupting my focus.I looked away from the girl with a sense of relief. I didnt wishing to continue to fail at this it irritated me. And I didnt wan t to develop any interest in her hidden thoughts simply because they were hidden from me. No doubt, when I did decipher her thoughts and I would find a way to do so they would be just as petty and trivial as any humans thoughts. Not price the effort I would expend to reach them.So, is the new one acrophobic of us yet? Emmett asked, still waiting for my response to his question before.I shrugged. He wasnt interested large to press for a more information. Nor should I be interested.We got up from the table and walked out of the cafeteria.Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper were pretending to be senior(a)s they left for their classes. I was playing a younger role than they. I headed off for my junior level biology class, preparing my mind for the tedium. It was doubtful Mr. Banner, a man of no more than average intellect, would manage to pull out anything in his lecture that would surprise someone holding two graduate degrees in medicine.In the classroom, I settled into my chair and let m y books props, again they held nothing I didnt already know spill across the table. I was the only student who had a table to himself. The humans werent smart teeming to know that they maintenanceed me, but their survival instincts were enough to keep them away.The room slowly make full as they trickled in from lunch. I leaned back in my chair and waited for the time to pass. Again, I wished I was able to sleep. Because Id been thinking about her, when Angela Weber escorted the new girl through the inlet, her name intruded on my attention.Bella seems just as shy as me. Ill bet today is really hard for her. I wish I could say somethingbut it would probably just sound irrationalYes Mike Newton thought, turning in his seat to watch the girls enter.Still, from the place where Bella Swan stood, nothing. The empty space where her thoughts should be irritated and unnerved me.She came closer, pass down the aisle beside me to get to the teachers desk.Poor girl the seat next to me was the only one available. Automatically, I cleared what would be her side of the desk, shoving my books into a pile. I doubted she would feel very comfortable there. She was in for a long semester in this class, at least. Perhaps, though, sitting beside her, Id be able to flush out her secretsnot that Id ever takeed close proximity beforenot that I would find anything worth listening toBella Swan walked into the flow of the het up(p) air that blew toward me from the vent.Her scent hit me like wrecking ball, like a battering ram. There was no image violent enough to close in the force of what happened to me in that moment. In that instant, I was nothing close to the human Id once been no trace of the shreds of humanity Id managed to cloak myself in remained.I was a predator. She was my prey. There was nothing else in the whole world but that truth.There was no room full of witnesses they were already collateral terms in my head. The mystery of her thoughts was forgotten. Her tho ughts meant nothing, for she would not go on thinking them much longer.I was a vampire, and she had the sweetest blood Id smelled in eighty years. I hadnt imagined such(prenominal) a scent could exist. If Id known it did, I would have gone probing for it long ago. I would have combed the planet for her. I could imagine the tasteThirst burned through my throat like fire. My mouth was baked and desiccated. The fresh flow of venom did nothing to dispel that sensation. My stomach twisted with the hunger that was an echo of the thirst. My muscles coiled to spring.Not a full certify had passed. She was still taking the same step that had put her lee(prenominal) from me.As her foot touched the ground, her eyes slid toward me, a movement she clearly meant to be stealthy. Her glance met mine, and I saw myself museed in the wide reflect of her eyes.The shock of the face I saw there saved her life for a few thorny moments.She didnt make it easier. When she processed the expression on my f ace, blood flooded her cheeks again, turning her skin the most delicious alter Id ever seen. The scent was a slow haze in my brain. I could barely think through it. My thoughts raged, resisting control, incoherent.She walked more quickly now, as if she understand the need to escape. Her haste made her clumsy she tripped and stumbled forward, most falling into the girl seated in front of me. Vulnerable, weak. Even more than usual for a human.I tried to focus on the face Id seen in her eyes, a face I recognized with revulsion. The face of the monster in me the face Id beaten back with decades of effort and uncompromising discipline. How easily it sprang to the surface nowThe scent swirled around me again, scattering my thoughts and nearly propelling me out of my seat.My hand gripped under the edge of the table as I tried to hold myself in my chair.The wood was not up to the task. My hand crushed through the strut and came away with a palmful of splintered pulp, leaving the shape of my fingers carved into the be wood.Destroy evidence. That was a fundamental rule. I quickly pulverized the edges of the shape with my fingertips, leaving nothing but a ragged hole and a pile of shavings on the floor, which I scattered with my foot.Destroy evidence. Collateral terms.I knew what had to happen now. The girl would have to come sit beside me, and I would have to pop up her.The innocent bystanders in this classroom, eighteen other children and one man, could not be allowed to leave this room, having seen what they would soon see.I flinched at the thought of what I must do. Even at my very worst, I had never committed this kind of atrocity. I had never killed innocents, not in over eight decades.And now I planned to slaughter twenty of them at once.The face of the monster in the mirror mocked me.Even as part of me shuddered away from the monster, another part was planning it.If I killed the girl get-go, I would have only fifteen or twenty seconds with her before t he humans in the room would react. whitethornbe a little bit longer, if at first they did not realize what I was doing. She would not have time to scream or feel pain I would not kill her cruelly. That much I could give this stranger with her horribly desirable blood.But then I would have to stop them from escaping. I wouldnt have to manage about the windows, too high up and small to provide an escape for anyone. Just the brink block that and they were trapped.It would be slower and more difficult, exhausting to take them all down when they were panicked and scrambling, moving in chaos. Not impossible, but there would be much more noise. Time for often of screaming. Someone would hearand Id be forced to kill even more innocents in this black min.And her blood would cool, while I murdered the others.The scent punished me, closing my throat with dry comprehendSo the witnesses first then.I mapped it out in my head. I was in the middle of the room, the farthest row in the back. I would take my right side first. I could snap four or five of their necks per second, I estimated. It would not be noisy. The right side would be the lucky side they would not see me coming. Moving around the front and back up the left side, it would take me, at most, five seconds to end every life in this room. commodious enough for Bella Swan to see, briefly, what was coming for her. keen-sighted enough for her to feel fear. Long enough, maybe, if shock didnt freeze her in place, for her to work up a scream. whizz soft scream that would not bring anyone running.I took a deep breath, and the scent was a fire that raced through my dry veins, burn down out from my chest to consume every better impulse that I was dependent of. She was just turning now. In a few seconds, she would sit down inches away from me.The monster in my head smiled in anticipation.Someone slammed come together a folder on my left. I didnt look up to see which of the doomed humans it was. But the motion sen t a drift of ordinary, unscented air wafting across my face.For one short second, I was able to think clearly. In that precious second, I saw two faces in my head, side by side.One was mine, or rather had been the red-eyed monster that had killed so legion(predicate) people that Id stop counting their numbers. Rationalized, justified murders. A killer of killers, a killer of other, less powerful monsters. It was a god complex, I declare that deciding who deserved a death sentence. It was a compromise with myself. I had fed on human blood, but only by the loosest definition. My victims were, in their various dark pastimes, barely more human than I was.The other face was Carlisles.There was no resemblance between the two faces. They were iridescent day and blackest night.There was no dry land for there to be a resemblance. Carlisle was not my father in the basic biological sense. We shared no common features. The similarity in our coloring was a product of what we were every vam pire had the same ice pale skin. The similarity in the color of our eyes was another matter a reflection of a uncouth choice.And yet, though there was no basis for a resemblance, Id imagined that my face had begun to reflect his, to an extent, in the last seven-spotty-odd years that I had embraced his choice and get hitched withed in his steps. My features had not changed, but it seemed to me like some of his wisdom had marked my expression, that a little of his compassion could be traced in the shape of my mouth, and hints of his patience were evident on my brow.All those tiny improvements were lost in the face of the monster. In a few moments, there would be nothing left in me that would reflect the years Id spent with my creator, my mentor, my father in all the ways that counted. My eyes would glow red as a devils all likeness would be lost forever.In my head, Carlisles kind eyes did not judge me. I knew that he would forgive me for this horrible act that I would do. Because he love me. Because he thought I was better than I was. And he would still love me, even as I now proved him wrong.Bella Swan sat down in the chair next to me, her movements stiff and uneasy with fear? and the scent of her blood bloomed in an inexorable cloud around me. I would prove my father wrong about me. The misery of this position hurt almost as much as the fire in my throat.I leaned away from her in revulsion revolted by the monster aching to take her. why did she have to come here? Why did she have to exist? Why did she have to let on the little peace I had in this non-life of mine? Why had this aggravating human ever been born(p)? She would ruin me.I turned my face away from her, as a sudden fierce, unreasoning hatred washed through me.Who was this creature? Why me, why now? Why did I have to lose everything just because she happened to choose this unlikely town to appear in? Why had she come hereI didnt want to be the monster I didnt want to kill this room full of ha rmless children I didnt want to lose everything Id gained in a lifetime of sacrifice and denial I wouldnt. She couldnt make me.The scent was the problem, the hideously appealing scent of her blood. If there was only some way to resistif only another gust of fresh air could clear my head. Bella Swan shook out her long, thick, mahogany hair in my direction.Was she insane? It was as if she were encouraging the monster Taunting him. There was no friendly breeze to blow the smell away from me now. All would soon be lost.No, there was no helpful breeze. But I didnt have to breathe.I stopped the flow of air through my lungs the relief was instantaneous, but incomplete. I still had the memory of the scent in my head, the taste of it on the back of my tongue. I wouldnt be able to resist even that for long. But perhaps I could resist for an hour. One hour. Just enough time to get out of this room full of victims, victims that maybe didnt have to be victims. If I could resist for one short hou r.It was an uncomfortable feeling, not breathing. My body did not need oxygen, but it went against my instincts. I relied on scent more than my other senses in times of stress. It led the way in the hunt, it was the first warning in case of danger. I did not often came across something as dangerous as I was, but self-preservation was just as strong in my kind as it was in the average human.Uncomfortable, but manageable. More bearable than smelling her and not sinking my teeth through that fine, thin, see-through skin to the hot, wet, pulsing An hour Just one hour. I must not think of the scent, the taste.The silent girl kept her hair between us, leaning forward so that it spilled across her folder. I couldnt see her face, to try to read the emotions in her clear, deep eyes. Was this why shed let her tresses fan out between us? To hide those eyes from me? Out of fear? Shyness? To keep her secrets from me?My former irritation at being stymied by her soundless thoughts was weak and pa le in comparison to the need and the loathe that possessed me now. For I hated this frail fair sex-child beside me, hated her with all the fervour with which I clung to my former self, my love of my family, my dreams of being something better than what I was Hating her, hating how she made me feel it helped a little. Yes, the irritation Id felt before was weak, but it, too, helped a little. I clung to any emotion that distracted me from imagining what she would taste likehate and irritation. Impatience. Would the hour never pass?And when the hour ended Then she would walk out of this room. And I would do what?I could introduce myself. Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. May I walk you to your next class?She would say yes. It would be the courtly thing to do. Even already fearing me, as I suspected she did, she would follow convention and walk beside me. It should be easy enough to lead her in the wrong direction. A spur of the forest reached out like a finger to touch the back c orner of the parking lot. I could tell her Id forgotten a book in my carWould anyone notice that I was the last person shed been seen with? It was raining, as usual two dark raincoats intent the wrong direction wouldnt pique too much interest, or give me away.Except that I was not the only student who was aware of her today though no one was as blisteringly aware as I was. Mike Newton, in particular, was conscious of every shift in her tilt as she fidgeted in her chair she was uncomfortable so close to me, just as anyone would be, just as Id expected before her scent had sunk all charitable concern. Mike Newton would notice if she left the classroom with me.If I could last an hour, could I last two?I flinched at the pain of the burning.She would go home to an empty dramaturgy. Police Chief Swan worked a full day. I knew his house, as I knew every house in the tiny town. His home was nestled right up against thick woods, with no close neighbors. Even if she had time to scream, which she would not, there would be no one to hear.That would be the responsible way to deal with this. Id gone seven decades without human blood. If I held my breath, I could last two hours. And when I had her alone, there would be no chance of anyone else getting hurt. And no reason to rush through the experience, the monster in my head agreed.It was sophistry to think that by saving the nineteen humans in this room with effort and patience, I would be less a monster when I killed this innocent girl. Though I hated her, I knew my hatred was unjust. I knew that what I really hated was myself. And I would hate us both so much more when she was dead.I made it through the hour in this way imagining the best ways to kill her. I tried to avoid imagining the actual act. That might be too much for me I might lose this battle and end up violent death everyone in sight. So I planned strategy, and nothing more. It carried me through the hour.Once, toward the very end, she peeked up at me t hrough the fluid wall of her hair. I could feel the unjustified hatred burning out of me as I met her gaze see the reflection of it in her frightened eyes. Blood painted her cheek before she could hide in her hair again, and I was nearly undone.But the bell rang. Saved by the bell how clich. We were both saved. She, saved from death. I, saved for just a short time from being the nightmarish creature I feared and loathed.I couldnt walk as slowly as I should as I darted from the room. If anyone had been looking at me, they might have suspected that there was something not right about the way I moved. No one was paying attention to me. All human thoughts still swirled around the girl who was condemned to die in little more than an hours time.I hid in my car.I didnt like to think of myself having to hide. How cowardly that sounded. But it was unquestionably the case now.I didnt have enough discipline left to be around humans now. Focusing so much of my efforts on not killing one of th em left me no resources to resist the others. What a waste that would be. If I were to give in to the monster, I might as well make it worth the defeat.I play a CD of music that usually calmed me, but it did little for me now. No, what helped most now was the cool, wet, clean air that drifted with the light rain through my stretch out windows. Though I could remember the scent of Bella Swans blood with perfect clarity, inhaling the clean air was like washing out the inside of my body from its infection.I was sane again. I could think again. And I could engagement again. I could fight against what I didnt want to be.I didnt have to go to her home. I didnt have to kill her. Obviously, I was a rational, thinking creature, and I had a choice. There was always a choice.It hadnt felt that way in the classroombut I was away from her now. Perhaps, if I avoided her very, very circumspectly, there was no need for my life to change. I had things ordered the way I liked them now. Why should I let some aggravating and delicious nobody ruin that?I didnt have to disappoint my father. I didnt have to cause my mother stress, worrypain. Yes, it would hurt my adopted mother, too. And Esme was so gentle, so tender and soft. causing someone like Esme pain was truly inexcusable.How ironic that Id wanted to protect this human girl from the paltry, toothless threat of Jessica Stanleys snide thoughts. I was the last person who would ever stand as a protector for Isabella Swan. She would never need protection from anything more than she needed it from me.Where was Alice, I suddenly wondered? Hadnt she seen me killing the Swan girl in a multitude of ways? Why hadnt she come to help to stop me or help me clean up the evidence, whichever? Was she so absorbed with watching for trouble with Jasper that shed missed this much more horrific possibility? Was I stronger than I thought? Would I really not have done anything to the girl?No. I knew that wasnt true. Alice must be concentrating on Jasper very hard.I searched in the direction I knew she would be, in the small building used for English classes. It did not take me long to locate her familiar voice. And I was right. Her every thought was turned to Jasper, watching his small choices with minute scrutiny.I wished I could ask her advice, but at the same time, I was glad she didnt know what I was undefended of. That she was unaware of the massacre I had considered in the last hour.I felt a new burn through my body the burn of shame. I didnt want any of them to know.If I could avoid Bella Swan, if I could manage not to kill her even as I thought that, the monster contorted and gnashed his teeth in frustration then no one would have to know. If I could keep away from her scentThere was no reason why I shouldnt try, at least. Make a good choice. Try to be what Carlisle thought I was.The last hour of school was almost over. I decided to put my new plan into action at once. Better than sitting here in the parking l ot where she might pass me and ruin my attempt. Again, I felt the unjust hatred for the girl. I hated that she had this unconscious power over me. That she could make me be something I reviled.I walked swiftly a little too swiftly, but there were no witnesses across the tiny campus to the office. There was no reason for Bella Swan to cross paths with me. She would be avoided like the plague she was.The office was empty buy food for the secretary, the one I wanted to see.She didnt notice my silent entrance.Mrs. Cope?The woman with the unnaturally red hair looked up and her eyes widened. It always caught them off guard, the little markers they didnt understand, no matter how many times theyd seen one of us before.Oh, she gasped, a little flustered. She smoothed her shirt. Silly, she thought to herself. Hes almost young enough to be my son. in addition young to think of that way Hello, Edward. What can I do for you? Her eyelashes fluttered behind her thick glasses.Uncomfortable. Bu t I knew how to be beautiful when I wanted to be. It was easy, since I was able to know instantly how any tone or gesture was taken.I leaned forward, meeting her gaze as if I were staring deeply into her depthless, small brown eyes. Her thoughts were already in a flutter. This should be simple. I was wondering if you could help me with my schedule, I said in the soft voice I reserved for not scaring humans.I heard the tempo of her heart increase.Of course, Edward. How can I help? Too young, too young, she chanted to herself. Wrong, of course. I was older than her grandfather. But according to my drivers license, she was right.I was wondering if I could move from my biology class to a senior level science? Physics, perhaps?It there a problem with Mr. Banner, Edward?Not at all, its just that Ive already studied this materialIn that speed up school you all went to in Alaska, right. Her thin lips pursed as she considered this. They should all be in college. Ive heard the teachers comp lain. Perfect four point ohs, never a hesitation with a response, never a wrong answer on a test like theyve found some way to fuck in every subject. Mr. Varner would rather believe that anyone was cheating than think a student was smarter than him Ill bet their mother tutors them Actually, Edward, physics is pretty much full right now. Mr. Banner hates to have more than twenty-five students in a class I wouldnt be any trouble.Of course not. Not a perfect Cullen. I know that, Edward. But there just arent enough seats as it isCould I drop the class, then? I could use the period for independent study.Drop biology? He mouth reduce open. Thats crazy. How hard is it to sit through a subject you already know? There must be a problem with Mr. Banner. I wonder if I should talk to Bob about it? You wont have enough ascribe to graduate.Ill catch up next year.Maybe you should talk to your parents about that.The door opened behind me, but who ever it was did not think of me, so I ignored t he arrival and concentrated on Mrs. Cope. I leaned slightly closer, and held my eyes a little wider. This would work better if they were gold or else of black. The blackness frightened people, as it should.Please, Mrs. Cope? I made my voice as smooth and compelling as it could be and it could be well compelling. Isnt there some other section I could switch to? Im sure there has to be an open slot somewhere? Sixth hour biology cant be the only optionI smiled at her, too-careful not to flash my teeth so widely that it would scare her, letting the expression soften my face.Her heart drummed faster. Too young, she reminded herself frantically. Well, maybe I could talk to Bob I mean Mr. Banner. I could see if A second was all it took to change everything the atmosphere in the room, my mission here, the reason I leaned toward the red-haired woman What had been for one purpose before was now for another.A second was all it took for Samantha Wells to open the door and place a sign-la nguage(a) tardy slip in the basket by the door, and hurry out again, in a rush to be away from school. A second was all it took for the sudden gust of wind through the open door to crash into me. A second was all it took for me to realize why that first person through the door had not interrupted me with her thoughts.I turned, though I did not need to make sure. I turned slowly, fighting to control the muscles that rebelled against me.Bella Swan stood with her back pressed to the wall beside the door, a meet of paper clutched in her hands. Her eyes were even wider than usual as she took in my ferocious, inhuman glare.The smell of her blood saturated every particle of air in the tiny, hot room. My throat burst into flames.The monster glared back at me from the mirror of her eyes again, a mask of evil. My hand hesitated in the air above the counter. I would not have to look back in order to reach across it and slam Mrs. Copes head into her desk with enough force to kill her. Two live s, rather than twenty. A trade.The monster waited anxiously, hungrily, for me to do it.But there was always a choice there had to be.I break off off the motion of my lungs, and fixed Carlisles face in front of my eyes. I turned back to face Mrs. Cope, and heard her internal surprise at the change in my expression. She shrank away from me, but her fear did not form into coherent words.Using all the control Id mastered in my decades of self-denial, I made my voice even and smooth. There was just enough air left in my lungs to speak once more, rushing through the words.Nevermind, then. I can see that its impossible. Thank you so much for your help.I spun and launched myself from the room, trying not to feel the warm-blooded heat of the girls body as I passed within inches of it.I didnt stop until I was in my car, moving too fast the entire way there. Most of the humans had cleared out already, so there werent a lot of witnesses. I heard a sophomore, D.J. Garrett, notice, and then dis regardWhere did Cullen come from it was like he just came out of thin air There I go, with the imagination again. Mom always saysWhen I slid into my Volvo, the others were already there. I tried to control my breathing, but I was gasping at the fresh air like Id been suffocated. Edward? Alice asked, alarm in her voice.I just shook my head at her.What the hell happened to you? Emmett demanded, distracted, for the moment, from the fact that Jasper was not in the mood for his rematch.Instead of answering, I threw the car into reverse. I had to get out of this lot before Bella Swan could follow me here, too. My own person demon, haunting me I swung the car around and intensify. I hit twoscore before I was on the road. On the road, I hit lxx before I made the corner.Without looking, I knew that Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper had all turned to stare at Alice. She shrugged. She couldnt see what had passed, only what was coming. She looked ahead for me now. We both processed what she saw in her head, and we were both surprised.Youre leaving? she whispered.The others stared at me now.Am I? I hissed through my teeth.She saw it then, as my resolve wavered and another choice spun my future in a darker direction.Oh.Bella Swan, dead. My eyes, glowing crimson with fresh blood. The search that would follow. The careful time we would wait before it was safe for us to pull out and start againOh, she said again. The picture grew more specific. I saw the inside of Chief Swans house for the first time, saw Bella in a small kitchen with the yellow cupboards, her back to me as I stalked her from the shadowslet the scent pull me toward herStop I groaned, not able to bear more.Sorry, she whispered, her eyes wide.The monster rejoiced.And the vision in her head shifted again. An empty pathway at night, the trees beside it coated in snow, flashing by at almost two hundred miles per hour.Ill miss you, she said. No matter how short a time youre gone.Emmett and Rosalie exchanged an apprehe nsive glance.We were almost to the turn off onto the long drive that led to our home. Drop us here, Alice instructed. You should tell Carlisle yourself.I nodded, and the car squealed to a sudden stop.Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper got out in silence they would make Alice explain when I was gone. Alice touched my shoulder.You will do the right thing, she murmured. Not a vision this time an order. Shes Charlie Swans only family. It would kill him, too.Yes, I said, agreeing only with the last part.She slid out to join the others, her eyebrows pulling together in anxiety. They melted into woods, out of sight before I could turn the car around.I accelerated back toward town, and I knew the visions in Alices head would be flashing from dark to bright like a strobe light. As I sped back to Forks doing ninety, I wasnt sure where I was going. To say goodbye to my father? Or to embrace the monster inside me? The road flew away beneath my tires.